


Storm Watch

by unseenbox



Series: Hogwarts Community Radio [5]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Broadcast Fic, Crossover, Fake Episode, M/M, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:46:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unseenbox/pseuds/unseenbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A storm approaches Hogwarts; A scientist investigates; A reporter reports about the scientist. Also: horoscopes, vampires in the Shrieking Shack, and possible ghosts!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storm Watch

**Author's Note:**

> I _highly_ recommend listening to the weather this episode!

There’s no problem that can’t be solved with magic. Except most of them. Welcome to Hogwarts.

Well…. As I may have mentioned before, it turns out the Wizarding Wireless Network _heavily_ frowns upon leaving the station while a broadcast is in progress. Who knew, right? So-- I’m broadcasting from Hogwarts tonight -- and every Hogsmeade weekend to come! I mean, I could take time off, enjoy a lovely autumn evening nursing a butterbeer over at the Three Broomsticks like anyone else, but, well, then who’d be here, delivering the news to all of our second year-and-under students? Not to mention the handful of upperclassmen who often elect to stay here, or else get banned from Hogsmeade outright. Those students know who they are! Don’t they, _Steve Carlsberg?_ Someday, you’ll just have to learn, _like the rest of us_ , that discussing Ministry politics and the flagrant due process abuses inherent in the system is not appropriate dinner conversation! Those Dementors patrolling here two years ago were here for a _reason ___, thank you very much, and I’m sure their empty, nightmarish feelings were very hurt by your accusations!

Uh. Right, I’m being notified by the High Inquisitor’s office that I should really get to reporting on tonight’s updates! So, without any further delays -- let’s get to _the news_. 

Ministry officials are beginning to suspect that the ghosts who live with Old Woman Josie down in Hogsmeade are, in fact, not _actually_ ghosts at all. As evidence, they cite their ghastly howling, intangibility, and a lack of matching recorded deaths in the area, as well as the fact that they’re “just plain creepy. I mean, _look at them_ ,” as one official reported. These accusations have been met with heavy skepticism, especially considering that we’re not even sure if these ghosts exist _at all_ , as the only word we have comes from Josie and the Ghosts themselves. So far, these ghosts have refused to make any statements, or, at least, any that can be recorded by magical means. 

Some students have informed us that a storm is approaching as we speak, and insisted I urge you to take cover _immediately_. This probably won’t be _too_ difficult, what with the castle and all, but you never know when someone might be taking care of some late night gardening, or taking a stroll by the lake. The storm is rumored to be a non-magical variety, but high winds, heavy rain, and gumdrop sized hail can be expected. The students are heading to the Astronomy Tower to take measurements during the storm, which should arrive any moment now from the southwest. Now, I know I’ve been warned about this in the past, and please, forgive me, listeners, if I get a little sidetracked for the moment -- _but!_ In the interests of full disclosure, I must report that brave, self-reliant Carlos is leading these students, and I’m sure we’ll get more updates from him soon, and there won’t be any repeats of that _thing_ that happened a few weeks ago. 

And now, this week’s horoscopes: 

Cancer: Beware all doors on the left. Especially any on the third floor. Doors on the right will contain fabulous prizes! 

Gemini: That thing you were dreading happened last week. You will spend all of this one wondering what it was. 

Sagittarius: Remember, there is nothing in the school rules forbidding cartwheels as an acceptable mode of transportation. 

Virgo: The sun’ll come out tomorrow. Maybe. 

Pisces: You will wake up alone. You will go to sleep alone. Or is it the other way around? Does it matter? 

Leo: A cold hand slides up to meet yours. Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion. 

Capricorn: A potion will get spilled on you. It’ll ruin your shoes, and you’ll be wearing the good ones, too. To be fair, you kinda deserve it. 

Aquarius: Huh, this one’s all smudged. Let’s see… hm. I think I can make out the word “boil”. Or is it “toil”? Something like that. I’m sure it’s not important, right? 

Taurus: Congratulations! You’ve been randomly selected to be tormented by Peeves all day. Please plan accordingly! 

Scorpio: Eh. We can skip this one. 

Libra: Today’s colors are carmine and vermilion. You won’t be able to tell the difference, and it’ll be really awkward. 

Aries: The future is what you make of it. Bring a marker, just in case. 

Cosmina, one of the vampires who lives in the Shrieking Shack, has started a knitting circle, which now meets every Saturday from midnight to four in the morning. Hogwarts students are invited to attend on appropriate Hogsmeade weekends. Attendees are encouraged to bring their own needles and yarn, although wands are an acceptable substitute in an emergency. Beverages and other snacks will be provided. She insists they will not be drinking... wine. 

We’ve received word from the Astronomy Tower that the storm has _definitely_ arrived. There are no reports of hail yet, or at least “interestingly” sized hail, which appears to be a highly technical term. The winds are blustering at a respectable thirty miles per hour, and the rain appears to be that annoying kind that pelts sideways, making all attempts at covering up useless. No word yet on how long the students expect the storm to last, one of them shrugging and saying “Eh,” when asked for an estimate. The lighting in the Great Hall has been changed to match the weather, as is the custom, and if anyone would like to view the enormous, anvil sized stormclouds as they pass across the grounds, I can’t think of a better way to do so, short of trekking up the Tower in the first place. Additionally! If anyone has a spare water repelling charm -- or muggle umbrella -- on hand, if you could _please_ make your way to the Tower and lend it to one of our esteemed students, he’d be very, _very_ grateful! You’ll recognize him when you see him, as his very curly -- but _not_ perfect -- hair has started to resemble an overly squeezed mop. 

_Carlos’_ hair, I’m happy to report, remains perfect -- if slightly frazzled -- as always! Even in this weather! Some sources have indicated that his time management skills, however, could use a little work. There are always going to be unforgettable, awe-inspiring storms, but NEWTS only come once a year, after all! Not to distract this station’s favorite investigator of magical phenomena from his highly important tasks, of course -- storms need to be studied just as much as they need to be reported on! But… well. Let’s just say it’s very difficult to schedule study dates when one party’s always busy solving one magical crisis or another, as I’m sure most people in Harry Potter’s year would have to agree. 

And now, a word from our sponsors: 

Want to know more? Want to know less? We can help with that! Flourish and Blotts, for all your knowledge -- and lack of knowledge -- needs! 

Hogwarts Community Radio would like to congratulate Assistant Vithia, who’s taken over the evening news hour after Lee Jordan vacated his post last month! We have high hopes for Assistant Vithia, who has only been in the hospital wing three and a half times during her work here. Vithia looks to make her first official report tomorrow evening, at about five p.m. This means that -- _thankfully_ , in this reporter’s opinion-- the morning host will no longer be reporting in the evenings, as he has been up until this point. Ugh. How did he even _get_ hired. 

For the record, Assistant Dana _was_ nominated for the open slot, but she said that her investigations into the Forbidden Forest come first; also, her detentions from earlier in the term make it highly unlikely she’d get approval from High Inquisitor Umbridge. 

We have more information about the storm still in progress, listeners! Firstly, the student investigators have taken a vote and decided to nickname the storm “Cheryl.” Additionally, the winds have died down to respectable 15 miles per hour gusts. Our students theorize that the storm is “one of those fast moving ones, you know the kind,” and will be out of the area in under a half an hour, if their projections hold. The rain continues to be a problem, and the grounds by the lake are expected to be unpleasantly muddy come morning. No major injuries resulting from the hail have been reported, although that number is expected to rise, once people begin walking along the slippery, icy paths that may dot our castle. Some of the students theorize that if the rain doesn’t clear up soon, it may turn to sleet as the night progresses, making boots the way to go, especially if you have classes early in the day -- or else some sort of sticking, gripping spell! 

Of course, the fact that Cheryl is a non-magical storm diminishes the danger levels just a bit. These dismal grey clouds above us can’t quite compare to the whirlwind of colors on display during a good magic storm. Now, I know some of our muggleborn wizards and witches may not have experienced one of these storms in the past -- I mean, my Carlos hadn’t even _heard_ of them until he visited my hometown, if you can believe that -- but let me tell you that they’re worth every single protection spell it takes to see them properly. Whatever the case, I _highly_ doubt that cloud identification will be on NEWTs, but I stand to be corrected! 

Oh, I think I hear someone knocking at the door… I’m not sure who it is, or what they want, but! I’ll be back as soon as possible. In the mean time, I give you: 

_[The Weather.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdaMMZmPe2w) _

Hello again, listeners! So, turns out the person knocking was _Carlos!_ And he said he wanted to show me something, and I was like, “Oh?” but then he didn’t kiss me or anything, so it wasn’t _that_ kind of something. I ended up following him up the nearby stairs to the Astronomy Tower instead, which was different, but much better in some ways. He threw open the doors with a flourish, even though they stuck a bit from all the rain, and he said something that started with “Behold,” but I don’t remember much of anything past that part. 

Most of the storm had passed over by then. I expect by the time I report on this, it’ll be gone entirely. The colors weren’t the same as the glowing, magic storms I’ve seen so much of-- a grey only one shade removed from the void filled sky above, when all the stars are out. There wasn’t any lightning, or at least none that could be distinguished from the blink of an eye, only the low, deep thrum of thunder, shaking from somewhere far below, like the rattling of the gates of a dungeon. Some rainy ice, or maybe icy rain, still flooded out of the mass of clouds above, but softer, slower than before, more of a chilly, freezing presence that surrounded us, instead of a harsh, pounding downpour. 

I’ve seen non-magical storms before, of course. But never from this far up -- so high, I can almost believe that there are mountains in the distance. Some other students stuck around, including one who’d recently received an umbrella, but most shuffled back inside, clinging to their robes and shivering if they didn’t have the foresight to cast warming charms. But there was the sky, and the storm beneath that sky, and the two of us, beneath that storm and that sky, attached to the castle only by the thin film of gravity. 

Carlos said, “Magic isn’t something that just happens at Hogwarts, or because the Ministry says so. It’s out here, too. Like science.” 

I didn’t say anything, except that I understood, and, unfairly soon, that I had to get back to the studio. 

I’m sure the storm is gone now, moving on to drench other lands and other places and other people. But for a very short time, it was here. Maybe the people it rains on in the future will hang around, watching the storm pass them by, or maybe they’ll look up once before heading back to whatever they were doing before it arrived. In the end, the weather isn’t what matters, but how we weather it. 

Stay tuned next for: the high, keening wails of people who forgot their Transfiguration assignments are due tomorrow. 

Good night, Hogwarts. Good night. 


End file.
